The Shade of Things (Magic After Midlife #5) | Audiobook
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Miriam Feldmanâs life has become Running Man with a side of Squid Game when sheâd much prefer The Great British Bake Off.
When Miri partners up with her detective ex-husband on an off-the-books magical missing persons operation, she expects buddy cop adventures galore. Instead, she gets more than she bargained for, starting with a mouthy golem whoâs forced onto the team. Their mission? Crash a secretâand deadlyâcompetition targeting non-magic humans to rescue the young woman at the heart of their case.
So, a regular Thursday nowadays.
If that funhouse of horrors wasnât enough, she still must fulfill her oath to a master vamp by locating the artifact bound up with her parentsâ murders almost thirty years ago. He refuses to say why he wants it, but all signs point to âDanger Danger Will Robinson.â
All of that leaves no time in her schedule for sexy times with a certain wolf shifter. Which is probably just as well, seeing as he doesnât know sheâs been forced to keep secrets from him, too.
Laugh? Cry? Coffee!
If you love K.F. Breene's Leveling Up series and Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books (but with magic!), the Magic After Midlife series delivers laugh-out-loud banter, clever mysteries, a swoony shifter romance, and a heroine with zero effs left to give.
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Chapter 1
âMazel tov,â my ex-husband, Eli Chu, groused ahead of me in the forest, âyou just set feminism back two hundred years.â
Excited as I was to be working a missing person case with him, I was less enthused about trekking through the foreboding woods in a rural area outside Vancouver. Had this lead taken us to a spot where the air was rich with the scent of pine? Nope. Was there a wave of verdant green stretching out before me? Nope. How about darting birds trilling and singing? Also nope.
âClearing spiderwebs for me, a spider-hating person, has nothing to do with gender.â Grimacing, I squelched through a puddle, mud seeping through the canvas of my sneakers into my poor socks.
Sunlight fought to peek through the canopy, the uneven ground was a dull brown covered in slippery rotting leaves, and the air weighed down on us, muggy and sticky. Sure, our hands slapping against our necks to kill buzzing mosquitos had an up-tempo rhythm, but it was hardly birdsong.
The final indignity was all the damn spiderwebs.
Eli stepped over a rotting log with moss sprouting out of it like an old manâs nose hair and ants parading up and down the nubby bark.
âStop a sec.â I put fist to palm. âRock paper scissors?â
Eli hadnât bought my argument that since Iâd be taking point when we found the vampire, he should deal with the spiders. So it had come down to this: a childrenâs game.
âYouâre on.â He leaned down, his brown eyes glinting. âOne, two, three.â
My rock trumped his scissors. Good call, me, knowing how Eli would play this.
âHuzzah!â I snapped off a short, dead branch and handed it to my ex with a flourish.
He accepted it with a groan. âHow did you know I wouldnât throw rock as usual?â
âBecause you hate spiders as much as I do. Using my years-long experience with your psychological profile, I surmised youâd expect me to throw paper to cover your rock and thus, go for scissors instead.â I tapped my head. âYou canât outsmart me, sucker. Now, clear away the eight-legged creepy-crawlies, my good man, and later Iâll protect you from the bloodsucker. The undead one.â I slapped my neck and wiped a smeared mosquito off my hand. âUnlike these assholes.â
Eli banged the makeshift broom against a tangle of branches before pushing them aside for us to duck under. âStand down, Buffy. You were explicitly warned. Under no circumstances are we to harm Damien.â
âUnless itâs in self-defense. Then itâs still very much on the table.â I smiled grimly. As far as I was concerned, that covered an expansive range of circumstances.
âStick to fact finding.â
I followed close behind Eli, positive that spiders were dropping down the back of my shirt. âIâll give you facts. Vamps having blood donors is disgusting. I donât care if theyâre getting paid, itâs not exactly an equal power dynamic. And thatâs with Ohrists. Ian Carlyle is a Sapien.â
Ian was under a vampâs control and the only person with any potential insight into our case, which was why we had to find him.
âIan isnât a regular Sapien,â Eli said. âHe also witnessed magic, allowing him to connect with Damien in the first place. How do you know heâs not with the vamp of his own free will?â
Sunlight bounced off a large web dotted with fly carcasses and presided over by a fat spider with bristly fibrous hairs covering its legs. Its many eyes tracked us.
I yelped, making swatting motions. âKill it! Itâs the size of a dinner plate.â
âItâs a bread plate at best.â Eli carefully brushed the entire web off the trees, tapping the end of the branch against the ground.
The spider scurried into the dirt, almost running over my foot.
âThey shouldnât be measured in dinnerware at all!â
Nature was bunk. In the city, I had a fighting chance at survival. Here? Forget about it. Give me a crowded sidewalk any day over this skinny dirt track fraught with knobby tree roots and unappealing animal life.
Assuring myself the little bastard was gone, I returned to the topic at hand. âIan didnât âconnectâ with the vamp. He was enticed and backed into a corner where the only way out was opening a vein. I highly doubt free will was involved,â I said bitterly. âDamien has been preying on him for two years.â I stabbed a finger in the air. âUnlike with Ohrists, vamps donât pay Sapiens if they use them as food on a regular basis. Hasnât Ian suffered enough?â
Eli shook his head. âI donât know, Mir.â
âAre you kidding me?â
âThink about the circumstances leading him to Damien. Ian comes back from an alleged abduction, disoriented, distraught, and unable to do much more than repeat that he survived the human race.â
âAnd?â I took Eliâs hand to help me down a steep slope.
âBear with me,â he replied. âAccording to the police report back then, what little the investigating officers got out of him made it sound like heâd been abducted by aliens.â
When Ian Carlyle disappeared five years ago, his brother swore that Ian vanished into thin air. Literally. The two had been rock climbing on their survivalist camping trip when Ian supposedly disappeared. Policeâs initial determination was that Ian had fallen, but it was changed to foul play when no body was found. His brother had been charged.
Everyone was stunned when Ian showed up a week later, shell-shocked. The only intelligible thing he said other than his human race line was that it wasnât aliens. Then he lapsed into silence, diagnosed with depression and PTSD.
We skidded down the last bit of the dirt hill and I recovered my footing.
Eli whacked a dead low-hanging branch out of our way. âEveryone wrote Ian off, and over the years, he became more and more distant from his friends and family. He lost his job, turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with whatever happened to him, and ended up living on the fringes of the Downtown Eastside.â
I tore a leaf out of my hair and ripped it in half. âIâm still waiting for the compelling argument that being fed off by a vamp is a step up. Or free will.â
âSince this wasnât an alien abduction, Ianâs vanishing into thin air has a magic explanation. Hell, thatâs why the deputy chief constable got me involved. At least with a vamp, Ian is with someone who believes him if he shares what happened while he was missing. He isnât dismissed as insane. Plus, Damien wonât necessarily kill him.â
From the moment that Eli had asked me to come on board this case, Iâd wondered why the Lonestars werenât involved. After all, Deputy Chief Constable Espositoâs daughter Ryann was the head magic cop here in Vancouver. And if there was one thing Iâd learned about the Lonestars in my tangles with them, it was that they didnât mess around with their prime directive: keep magic hidden from Sapiens at all costs. These abductions seemed like a no-brainer for them to investigate.
I wiped sweat off the back of my neck with my T-shirt collar, praying there was an explanation that didnât make the magic cops complicit. âThe vamp might not kill Ian, but he might turn him.â
âHeâd still be alive,â Eli said with a pointed look. âWasnât that your argument to Topher Sharmaâs parents?â
I scowled, hating that he used my words against me. âI like you better when you play good cop.â
âWell, I am a saint.â
âYouâve been talking to your mom again.â
He winked at me. âBetween the opioid crisis here in Vancouver,â he continued in a more serious tone, âand risk of overdose, Ian could have easily died from doing drugs. You said that vamps donât feed off addicts, and that means Ian had to get clean to provide blood. Itâs not a great situation, but itâs better than he had.â
âFine,â I muttered. âThatâs still not saying much.â
It chafed that our mission wasnât to rescue Ian in addition to getting information to help with the actual case we were onâfinding Teresa Wong, a second-year theater major whoâd gone missing two days ago on Monday.
Like Ian, Teresa had a close circle of family and friends, no rampant or reckless credit card spending or unexpected bills, no criminal record, and no enemies. Sheâd just started her second year of university and, by all accounts, loved her program.
Also, like Ian, Teresa had vanished into thin air. She and her best friend had been thrift store shopping together, and when her friend had turned around to inspect some faux Fiestaware, Teresa had disappeared.
Eli shouldnât have even been on this job since he was a homicide detective, but his superior, Deputy Chief Constable Esposito, had recalled Ianâs old case with its âvanishing into thin airâ connection and looked up the records. Heâd come to the same conclusion that this involved magic and assigned Eli to an off-the-books job.
My ex was one of the rare Sapiens who could see magic and was thus tasked with tracking Ian down and obtaining information to help Teresa.
Eli, in turn, had insisted on hiring me to help him navigate the magic community. Neither of us had been privy to my boss Tatianaâs negotiations with the deputy chief, but sheâd emerged from her office smirking while the poor man looked like a boxer whoâd been KOâd in the first ten seconds instead of lasting the expected ten rounds.
âThe other problem is that Ian being clean now may not even matter.â Eli snapped a twig underfoot, startling a tawny-brown owl, who flew away. âHe wasnât of sound mind after his abduction. He may not remember anything useful or even real, and heâs our only shot at finding Teresa. The Missing Persons Unit has nothing to chase down.â He kicked a rock, and when his hands unclenched, there was a moment where they shook. âThat girl is only a few years older than Sadie.â
I placed my hand on his arm, my heart sinking at how tense he was. âIf Ian doesnât know how to find Teresa, then we put the screws to Damien when the sun sets and he wakes up.â Pep talks werenât easy while traipsing through a forest with nothing to recommend it beyond being a perfect body dump for the mob, but I did my best.
A series of short howls rising and falling raised the hairs on the back of my neck.
Eli and I froze. My heart was hammering so loud that I almost didnât hear him whisper, âCoyotes.â
Their cries echoed all around us, a chilling lament interspersed with barks and yips.
I swung my head from side to side, tensed for yellow slits to blink open and a furry body to leap out of the nearby trees and tear into my soft, delicious underbelly. Damn you, carbs, for being so tasty.
Coyote attacks were reported in these parts on a regular basis, so sue me for having a vivid imagination and a healthy dose of paranoia.
I wanted to devote my energy to tracking Ian down but surviving feral beasts had just shot to the top spot, so I threw my magic cloaking over Eli and me. Coyotesâbe they real animals or shiftersâwouldnât be able to detect us.
We crept toward where the line of trees thinned out. It couldnât have been more than fifty feet away, but I strained so hard to see any sign of marauding animals that by the time we cleared the forest, my face throbbed.
Eli clamped on to my wrist while we crouched in the tall grass, surveying the deserted house in the distance.
The once-elegant gothic manor hulked like a boxer down on his luck. The upper broken window and front door hanging partially off its hinges gave the impression of a bruised eye and a missing tooth while the sagging roof was like a head hunched into its shoulders.
âThis canât be where Damien lives,â Eli said. âHeâd get fried by the sunshine pouring in through all the holes.â
âThe description of the bloodsucker who lives here matches Damien,â I said, hands on my hips.
Eli snorted. âAnd you trust Tatianaâs information on this?â
I squirmed uneasily at the mention of my boss. Not because I doubted her, but because hearing her name reminded me that I wasnât being wholly truthful with her. About a week ago, Iâd discovered a bombshell of a secret tying my parents to her.
Not only had I kept Tatiana in the dark, Iâd done the same to Laurent, her sexy wolf shifter nephew with whom Iâd hooked up. To be fair, heâd been away in the interior of the province stalking a dybbuk, and it wasnât exactly a conversation to have over the phone, but that wasnât the real reason Iâd been reluctant to talk about it with him.
Zev BatKian, Vancouverâs head vampire, had recently hired me to find the Ascendant for him. I snorted. If by âhired meâ you meant âblackmailed me viciously and without remorse,â then sure. The ways he could destroy me and my loved ones were legion. He powered the ward around my house, keeping demons at bay. He was a master vamp whose minions had been forbidden from feeding off my ex-husband and daughter. And any Ohrist enemies would think twice about coming after me or my family while we were under Zevâs protection.
The new condition of all this protection was that heâd sworn me to secrecy about both this job and the magic amplifier in general until he decreed otherwise. Telling either Tatiana or Laurent was out of the questionâfor nowâdespite my wishes.
Sadly, in the magical world, I had to stick to those boundaries, or I wouldnât be able to take care of the people who were important to meâincluding Tatiana and Laurent.
Still, I was sick and tired of Zev using me to fulfill some unknown agenda and angry that I was left with no real choice but to accede to his demands.
I sighed. Those were problems for future me.
Eli shredded a couple of long grass stalks. âIanâs last known address was a shelter and the residents there are transient. Yes, the employee I interviewed remembered him going off with someone who matched Damienâs description, and when you suggested we look into the vamps and got a connection, I was hopeful. But looking at this dump?â He brushed grass off his hands. âIâm second-guessing that employeeâs memory. That or we were too quick to ascribe the mystery person Ian went off with to a vampire.â
âItâs the only lead we have. Damien does have a Sapien donor, so thatâs another point for this being the right place.â
We snuck through the unkempt weed-choked grass to the rotted front steps. Really the house was best viewed at a distance. Like from the moon.
The first tread creaked under my foot, and the house seemed to shiver, exuding a gust of stagnant air. A family of mice peeked their heads up through a jagged hole.
Eli tested his weight on the unvarnished stairs, which were slippery with moss, but when the stairs held, he quickly joined me on the porch, once more taking shelter under my invisibility mesh. He pulled out a penlight. âCan anyone see this light if weâre cloaked?â
I shrugged, peering inside. âThe floorboards are all twisted, and Iâd rather not break an ankle, so letâs chance it.â
Eli cast the light around the entrance hall.
The interior walls were cold to the touch. The tattered remnants of wallpaper were sun-bleached almost colorless save for dark spores of mold that blossomed like a Rorschach test. Rusted wires hung from the ceiling, but any lighting had been stripped.
For all the general decay, the blackout curtains over the windows were nearly new. I jostled Eliâs elbow. âDead giveaway.â I gave an exaggerated wink. âOr should I say undead giveaway.â
My partner groaned.
The stairs leading to the second floor listed dangerously so we headed downstairs first. The stairwell was narrow and twisty but at least the treads were solid. It led to a damp basement, which was just as deserted as the rest of the house.
Most of the space was taken up by an enormous ballroom, where sheets thrown over furniture cast menacing shadows. The warped floorboards with inlaid mother-of-pearl beckoned to be waltzed upon, to be spun, dazed and flushed, by an attractive partner across the room.
Leaving footprints in the thick layer of dust, we wandered through pillars still bearing faint traces of gold gilding. Thanks to a series of warped glass doors, which led out to a wild overgrown garden, there was just enough light to make out the ceiling boasting ornate crown molding.
I could almost hear strains of music over the musty air blowing through the broken panes.
Eli tugged on a crystal knob, but the glass door was stuck fast. âWeâll have to check out the top floor, but it looks like this place has been deserted for ages.â
I shook my head. âWhy hang blackout curtains in a deserted house?â
âOr even just hang them in the entrance hall? Did you see a coffin with a sleeping vamp there? Because I sure as hell didnât.â Eli was getting testy, but it wasnât directed at me, and I didnât take it personally. He toed at the dust, erasing a footprint. âWeâre clearly the only ones whoâve been down here.â
I frowned, teasing out a thought. âOh! Thatâs it. Come on.â
Grabbing his sleeve, I tugged him back up the stairs and into the entrance hall. âLook. The floor is dust-free.â
Eli frowned. âSo?â
âThat means itâs been walked on. Damien has been here, which explains the blackout curtains. Hopefully Ian is with him.â
âThen where are they now?â
âIf Iâm right?â I led him outside, turning to examine the rotting door barely holding on to the frame.
Eli prodded me impatiently. âIf youâre right, what?â
After a moment, a front door zoomed out toward us like a 3D stereogram. The solid modern structure clicked into the frame, almost slyly, as if saying Little old me? I was here all the time. Even so its reveal didnât give me the rush of watching a stage magicianâs showy flourish. It was more a quiet delight that I had access to secrets. Like finding an old book in an archive that you needed or digging up a piece of information at just the right time.
Eli gasped.
âTheyâre still here.â Grinning, I pushed on the handle running vertically along the right side and swung the door open.
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That would be Croix Provence.